#Me personally i cant sleep at night over it
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AAAAAAAHANAAAAGHAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEERRRAAARRRGGGGHHHHAAAAUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNGHHHHHHHHAAAAGHGHGHGHGHGRRRAAAAUUUUUGHGHGHGHGAAAANOOOOOOOAAAAAHHHGGGRRRAAAAAAAAAAHHHGHGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHREAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAUAVHHHHGGHGGGNNNNBFGNnnnnnGghhggcan we honestly e date? 👉🥺 you’re so beautiful. You always make me laugh, you always make me smile. You literally make me want to become a better person... I really enjoy every moment we spend together. My time has no value unless its spent with you. I tell everyone of my irls how awesome you are. Thank you for being you. Whenever you need someone to be there for you, know that i’ll always be right there by your side. I love you so much. I don’t think you ever realize how amazing you are sometimes. Life isn’t as fun when you’re not around. You are truly stunning. I want you to be my soulmate. I love the way you smile, your eyes are absolutely gorgeous. If I had a star for everytime you crossed my mind i could make the entire galaxy. Your personality is as pretty as you are and thats saying something. I love you, please date me. I am not even calling it e dating anymore because I know we will meet soon enough heart OK I ADMIT IT I LOVE YOU OK i hecking love you and it breaks my heart when i see you play with someone else or anyone commenting in your profile i just want to be your girlfriend and put a heart in my profile linking to your profile and have a walltext of you commenting cute things i want to play video games talk in discord all night and watch a movie together but you just seem so uninsterested in me it hecking kills me and i cant take it anymore i want to remove you but i care too much about you so please i’m begging you to eaither love me back or remove me and never contact me again it hurts so much to say this because i need you by my side but if you dont love me then i want you to leave because seeing your icon in my friendlist would kill me everyday of my pathetic life. It's been 2.5 hours without cécile. I can't go ahead with this any longer. My mental state is in complete and utter pandemonium. I cried myself to sleep 4 times today. I feel paranoid that cécile may never come back. I've spent over $7,000 on cécile this week alone. I told my mom through tears and she yelled at me calling me a "failure" and saying she knew she should have been on birth control. Although, cécile being down has had it's positive impacts on me. My IQ has increased by 40 and I've been thinking more critically. When I saw the "Maintenance" page, I vomited. I just hope they mean it when they say soon. I even started praying again. I've been a dedicated Christian for 12 years and I began to pray to god in hopes that they can bring cécile back soon. I had to learn Arabic to pray to Allah. I hope cécile comes back soon I don't know how much longer I can take this.
Happy birthday Cécile! ✨🎉
Everybody wish our gentle, adorable and very sane man a happy birthday! And also to Cécile who is none of those things! 💜🎉
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shoma81081: I'm not cut out for this trend
#the most perfect casting of all timeeeeeeee#love in the air koi#love in the air japan#nagumo shoma#hamaya takuto#kirustag#idk who else cares about this so if u want to be tagged lmk#Me personally i cant sleep at night over it#kings of fanservice#fivearchive
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9 / 266
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 266#fanart#jjk fanart#itafushi#jujutsu kaisen fanart#used th itfs tag bc its implied and this is an itfs piece i said so#i dont think ive seen this parallel made yet??? but its ok if it has#i just had the idea hit at gross o clock last night when i ws alr exhausted n had 2 force myself to sleep instead of drawing it#i just . clutches chest . YUUJI#th char development the emotional maturity..#the willingness to put aside his gojo voice personal feelings in favour of giving megumi agency over his own life#rather than burden him with expectations the way every1 has done fr both of them over the course of the series...#tears in my eyes thats my mc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway art notes i think lower one is some of the best yuuji hair ive drawn 2 date#it's kind of similar to one of my 265 redraws but i think i struck a better balance in how thoroughly i rendered it here#proud of my me but also SO grateful tht yuuji has not been fighting me lately#so much yuuji content these past chapters i cant imagine th frustration having to Also fight him in order 2 create content fr them#anyway itafushi kaisen is real and canon and alive and yuuji singlehandedly discovered th cure 2 my mental illness w this line
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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…ok so I got inspired <3
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Thesis in the tags
#OKAY SO HEAR ME OUT#Amelia is probably the most jealous person to ever relationship.#but it comes naturally ONLY for Javi. she never got jealous while dating Ollie or any of the previous partners.#but when she started dating javi—something flipped a switch in her and BOI OH BOI DID SHE GET. JEALOUS. OF EVERYTHING.#which kinda sucks because Javi is a music sensation and POPULAR 😭#and she’s Horny. SO. so. SO. horny. like. maybe it’s the Rafkonian biology but if he wakes her up in the middle of the night#saying ‘babe I’m horny’ she just. fucking. would go down on him. then and there.#LIKE SHE WOULD SEE HIM TAKING A PEACEFUL BATH AND GO ‘i wanna fuck you slide over’#and the exhibitionist kink 😭😭 don’t even get me started on that.#Javi was always a mama’s boy so he is THE best at cooking. his mom is even better. (typical desi mom Rina 😭👍🏻)#and so he makes them food. and she does the dishes because his prosthetics don’t let him do watery work good.#Amelia isn’t good with lovey dovey words. Javi is a POET.#HE TOLD HER HE LOVED HER BY WRITING HER A SONG#AND TELLING HER ‘you are the very oxygen i breathe’.#and he waited for her confession for three years 😭 for her to fall in love with him and for her to tell him she loved him#and like#idk man#also she steals all of his clothes.#Javi got vvv annoyed once realising she doesn’t have ANY super loose sweatshirts and comfortable things to wear. not even pyjamas.#(she used to prefer sleeping naked) but ever since she discovered Javi’s oversized hoodies… that fit juuust perfectly. theresno going back.#ever#anyway thank you for coming to my ted talk :D#they’re sooooo in love your honor I cant~#power rangers#power rangers dino fury#amelia jones#Javi garcia#cosmic fury#power rangers cosmic fury#dino fury
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on the one hand i want to try for a second wind to stay up and get really into something but on the other hand im sleepy and im pretty sure my husband went to bed without me so i honestly might as well
#back in godot learning thingssssssss#trying to do anything i can to distract myself from the abysmal lack of work ive been able to find lately LOL#genuinely ive had 1 commission in the last 2 weeks like its so joever im so hungry#not to be like “the economy” but man i used to be doing upwards of 20 coms a week when i was really nuts#making a couple grand a month etc#but shits gone so to pieces between ai and the cost of living crisis that like i get no work anymore at all ever#the bone deep resistance i have to having to get another shitty day job is insane tho after what the last one did to me#idk but ive been losing a ton of sleep over it lately and ive been having nightmares every night again#so i guess i really gotta solve that sooner rather than later. esp bc we cant buy groceries indefinitely like this#ive cut back to eating cereal in the morning and then something for dinner after having a really good streak of eating 3 hardy meals a day#which sucks but what can you do#gotta stop being a big fat failure if i want to eat like a. not failure. a succeeder#ig theres the ego of it too bc coms have been my fulltime job for years so like the dead dropoff lately is so#what if it ends tomorrow right. what if it ends next week. what if it doesnt end until next year#what if it never ends and im just unemployed sitting on my ass pretending i still have a career doing what i love#which is already what it feels like bc ive been scrounging for pennies to put food on the table for months now#like idk man. its joever let it go let it die. but that means getting a shit fucking job somewhere and god i do not want to LOL#i wont have the energy to do anything anymore and im such a brittle person this time of year anyway#whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr#im gunna try to sleep bye o/
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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#so tired of my friend's bum ass partner getting in the way of things#dude is hella controlling and makes every room so awkward i cant stand it and acts like their grown ass needs my friend to do anything#we'll be hanging out at his place and hell be like#gotta go my partner wants to go to sleep and he needs me to do it#apparently#he never wants to end the hangout either it's always this person's decision#partner is lame as fuck too i seriously cant fathom what he sees in them#and every time we're chilling you better believe snapchat is open and they're talking#like BROOO LET ME HANG OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD#IM MARRIED AND UR ACTINGLIKE THIS!!! LET THE BOY HAVE FUN OUTSIDE OF YOUR PRESENCE#like you LIVE togther you do not have to be attached at the messaging app like this#and rescheduling to do chores together is wild#it would be cute if this didn't happen every single time#and it's not cute because the partner is still controlling every second of his time#HERES THE THING HES WANTED A PROPOSAL#BUT THIS FUCK WONT PROPOSE#AND DOESNT WANT KIDS#BUT WONT BREAK UP WITH MY FRIEND WHO WANTS CHILDREN AND AND PROPOSAL#LIKE FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFFFFF#and they're open and every time another person joins he's talkig to me about how the partner pays wayyy more attention to the other one#AHHHHHHHHHHHH#BREAK UP#THEY DONT CARE ABOUT YOU#oh my god#hes coming over without partner and staying the night so we can talk without this bum over his shoulder#they're a cheater too#but it was onlyfans so it “isnt as bad”#the onlyfans of someone they both. know.#im pissed bruh#they just renewed their lease together too
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heartbreak so bad i will fix my sleep schedule over it-
#daisy.txt#no but rly i woke up earlier and went 'fuck this' and went right back to sleep bc idk. crying took it out of me#so now im just gonna fix my sleep schedule which works out for me ig!!!#bc i have an eye appt coming up at the beginning of august and its at a Normal Person Time#so staying up all night and sleeping during the day is. not good#its not good for me in general but like. still#im just like. im mad ig. like this happened back in march and now that things went Worse and he shut me out entirely......... ouchies!#kinda makes me wonder if i should eventually just leave the friend circle completely#it means the number of ppl i regularly talk to will shrink down by a Lot im sure#but like. if i were in their situation id pick him over me any fucking day#i just... i cant help but wonder what other ppl would think.#what would he say? would i become the villain in his story?#or would he tell the truth? that we're two ppl who drifted and then he shut me out out of nowhere?#this man is fucking 30 now and acting like this and im like. if u dont want to be friends then say thattttt ur old enough to not be cringe#abt it like this!!!!! i can handle a 'sorry i dont want to be friends actually' i cannot stand the radio silence !!
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[|87
#been burdening my friends and partner too much with bitching about life but talking abt it makes me feel better so. i’m here.#new job is awful. but in a weird way.#i’m learning things and love my coworkers and the location and clients and work itself#but my boss is. my god.#it’s a little local place owned by one woman operated from inside her extra home on her property#she runs everything#and she is nice but she is??? loud ig. abusively loud#she screams and cusses and berates and belittles everyone and like#they all think it’s silly. it’s just her personality. they laugh or shrug it off. it’s just how she is. but i can’t do it#every day i tear up or cry on the way home cus she raises her voice at me or i hear her cussing and screaming in the back about like#me fucking up. over silly things. like i took a message for her but didnt say it was urgent.#then i hear her in the back HOW COULD SHE FUCK UP LIKE THIS SHE SHOULD KNOW THIS SHIT THIS IS SUCH SIMPLE SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH HER#and i just cant handle it man!!!#and she is so nice and supportive and texts me almost every night to ask how i am and if i’m okay#and like fuck dude i guess?????? but im also!!!!! not!!!!!!!!#my partner and mom both said i should quit and i think im. gonna.#the other place that wanted me is still hiring. i’m gonna talk to them monday and see if i can take that job still#but fuck dude. i dont wanna tell my boss im leaving. i dont think she’ll blow up but if she does?????#idk#i just hate that things aren’t getting better. i dunno. i just wanna cry and sleep all day#hopefully i get the other job and my boss understands. we’ll see.#thanks for reading
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my insomnia is apparently back with a vengeance which is uhhhhh great fucking fantastic cause my depression is doing the same thing, all my hope is in my psych appointment on monday i better be getting some new prescriptions because what the fuck besties.
#alex yells at the void#personal#i can still write though which is good#means i am not completely down the deep end anymore#i did not sleep last night though#24h without sleep and i will stay awake until the evening because i need to fix this shit#i cant catch a fucking break apparently#daddy issues? naaah i am over those it's the mommy issues now for some reason#and thoughts tm about my ex like brain i thought we've been over this#anyway totk is keeping me not sane but distracted and that's all i ask for
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I got up around 9am and it was already 30 degrees I'm----
Just kill me already it' be easier 😭
#personal#vent#it must've been like over 20 at night too#I could sleep for hours even with my window open#couldn't*#and I woke up sneezing and sniffling and both my eyes and head aching like#did my allergy just flare all of a sudden??? I dont get it...#I hate this heatwaves#we got an alert yesterday for extreme heat and then another today for today And tomorrow like----#I hate hate hate HATE IT#what even Im supposed to do?#I cant pass time with gaming cause it'll only turn my room into an oven and its already super hot inside#and going outside is okay but only for like 20 min max or Im gonna turn into a tomato and suffer sunburn#ughhhhhhh#sorry for all the ranting y'all the weather is just killer on me 😩#maybe I'll try some writing or outlining#tho this heat is really sapping away all the little enegy I have 😩😪
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#what sucks is the moment someone is super nice to me 😭 i start to liking them a lot#why am i like this 😭#i get shown any kind of decency or any genuine kindness I start to really like like them#then end up ruining the whole mood by telling them I like them 😂#i suppose finding some more attractive cause they're super nice to me stems from my childhood trauma LMAO#gotta love being a neglected kid 😭😂 it doesnt help when they're extremely pretty too 😭😭#lmao#what's wrong with me have some sense 😂 I know that just cause a person is nice to me doesnt mean they like like me or they even like me 😭#but i still can't help but start liking them 😂 its also probably cause i finally feel like someone cares about me 😭 then it goes back to#childhood trauma 😂 dude i cant lie being neglected while still having both parents is some thing else#cause its like I had both but they were always at work and when they got home would be so mean to each other mainly my dad to my mother;#the only did they'd ask if i was hungry but by the time grandma came to live with us that stopped and so they would not really talk to me#like i was talking to my cousin Richard on the night of the party; he asked why i dont talk to my dads side of the family#and he's super drunk and starts belittle and make light of the situation before i even start the main reason. so i told him to stop talking#over me and let me finish and stop belittling and making light of the reasons why i stopped talking to them entirely#then he got butt hurt and ended up waking his wife who was sleeping in the living room to go home.#i swear i have issues that i have yet to address lol and going to therapy doesnt work cause it makes me super uncomfortable so i stop going#after the first visits#😮💨 i can be so overwhelming why am i like this just cause they're nice to me doesnt mean they actually like me or even like like me 😭#i need to be better at accepting people's kindness without falling attached or like liking them a lot LMAO.#personal
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the way that brains work is insane
#just woke up like ten minutes ago bc i was full hyperventilating and crying in my sleep !#so fun!#i had really vivid dreams last night for whatever reason and the last one was basically that my sister died and#the rest of the dream was just me mourning her and being upset over it in incredibly realistic ways#it was fucking horrible genuinely and even now after ive woken up im still anxious and devastated so thats awesome#like im aware that shes okay and shes alive in her room but holy shit dude#in the dream i even went through t he whole texting my partner about it and seeing their reaction and offer for support and stuff#and that was also fucking horrible bc it went so realistically#same with seeing my parents reactions to everything and seeing their reaction to me etc etc m#god yeah that was awful and i cant get the image out of my head#morning is off to a great start#aiilov-personal
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Tag talk
#hey beans#going old school tag rambles here - not NSP related#just that I might a lil quiet over the next couple of weeks as I 'lost' an agreement with a friend#i agreed back in july/august last year that if i didn't manage to get 6 hours or more of sleep on 2 consecutive nights#across the next 8months then I'd go back to sleeping tablets#(just over the counter stuffs nothing dramatic dw)#i really thought i had the winning side of the agreement ngl but they reminded me this week :/#I also am still training the new person so work hours are long atm#and im almost losing my voice from explaining things#and the added gravel/depth to my voice makes it so tempting to continue fucking my voice up#i wont - but god its tempting#but if im gonna be working the hours i do and actually sleeping Imma have less time to make stuff for here :'(#especially for the first couple of weeks while i adjust to the loss of hrs in the day#Im also looking after my friends cats across the next week and doing boat construction and have a commission to make as well as my 9-6 job#okay it sounds like a lot when you list it but its not really (or at least not when you dont sleep...)#anyway i hope to be able to make some original content for here but i cant promise#sorry Beans#<3 <3 <3
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🥭🎴🎸♟️🤺
#on the off chance that you see this because i know i gave you my url before we broke up#and i know you don't use this site but maybe if you end up curious#i hope you know i still love you and i always will and i havent been able to have anything with the same flavours as i used to drink#when i was over there and there are so many things I'll never do again. i used to do things in threes because i thought#if i didnt then youd leave me but it didnt really help anything and once the worst happened i lost any of the fear associated with it#so there was nothing to spiral about.#ive picked more things up like how i cant touch peeble - the jellycat you gave me- without washing my hands enough that i know theyre clean#and i sleep next to him every night and talk to him like hes a person. and i used to have to type out everything to you longhand without#using autocorrect or typing suggestions because i felt like that created a sense of lack of effort. i undetstand a lot now how ocd fucked u#my relationship with you and my sense of love at all. i think I'd still do anything to have you back and ill find something to do to pass#the time but I'll just be waiting for you to come back and trying in the meantime to collect as much as i can do so i can never be unsure o#feel too inexperienced to settle down. ill feel happy and sure if you come back. ill wait#but if you find someone else do you think youll tell me? do you think its possible there's someone out there youll love more than me#it'll hurt me to have to settle for 2nd place#text
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